Dating Japanese Women: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
January 14, 2022
What it's like dating Japanese women...“It takes about 3 months.” "3 months?!" "Yeah, 3 months. You’ll get use to it." "Are they always like this?" "Yeah, pretty much. Even when they go to the kombini." (convenience store) "Everywhere in Japan?" "Nah, mainly the city. Country girls are different. They're more relaxed about it." When you first arrive in Japan, it is glorious. Japanese girls are dressed like they're ready to go to the clubs and steal your heart. Even when they are just going to supermarket or bowling. They all looked stunning. It took me 3 months to acclimatize to seeing hot Japanese girls everywhere. And finally, get my head out of the clouds. How did I do it? You have to observe them carefully and pick out flaws you don't like. (It's tough..)
- Too cute.
- Too shy.
- Her voice is too high.
- She talks too loud.
- Her heels are too high.
- "Cake face" - Too much make up.
- Too clingy.
- Too young (sometimes a 25-year-old can look like a 15-year-old, and vise versa).
- Cheerleader effect.
Dating Japanese Women: Your Reality CheckJapanese women are not what they completely seem. From the outside, they are innocent and shy, but they can be completely different on the inside. Did you know 90% of Japanese women never share their honest opinion? The Japanese have 2 words for this: "Tatemae" and "Honne" 建前 Tatemae = Your public position or facade (or "face", commonly used in Asia). 本音 Honne = Real intention; motive; true opinion; what one really thinks. This IS Japanese culture. Have you seen an old samurai movie where the daimyo lord will promise a samurai riches and women, only to betray and force the samurai to commit seppuku (warrior's suicide) for the benefit of Japan? That's Tatemae and Honne in play. It's human nature. Japanese women will hide their true feelings to save their public position. But you need to remember... their intentions are pure. They just want to get married, have a family and go on holidays. The simple life. While most girls will use this to avoid arguments and fights, there are some who will use it to manipulate guys, like you and I.
"The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" of Dating Japanese WomenI shared the following topics with my friends, who either have lived in Japan for years, have a Japanese girlfriend or are married to a Japanese woman, and they all agree to have experienced what I am about to share with you. Let's start with the good stuff.
Dating Japanese Women: The GoodThese are the good traits and characteristics that most Japanese girls share. If you are dating a Japanese girl for the first time, this will be like heaven (and lots of sex).
1. Forever 21Have you noticed most Asians don't really age? Well… they do. There are just a few delays. Sometimes I like to play: “Guess how old she is”. Japanese women are no exception. Thanks to the Japanese diet and culture, women age well into the years. It's like they have a time delay gene suppressing their age… Until they hit 55, then they start aging. Imagine having a cute Japanese girl slowly transform into a graceful Japanese woman. It’s great, don't you think?
2. CaringThe first thing you notice about dating Japanese women are the caring acts they give. They'll make you bento boxes for lunch, clean your room and buy you groceries to make sure you are eating well and healthy. They'll take care of you like a loving housewife would, even though they are just a one night stand, your girlfriend, or fuck buddy.
3. GracefulJapanese women are polite. Not western polite, Japanese polite. If you've never been to Japan, you won't get this statement (until you go.) They are graceful. Holding conversations (no matter how boring), speaking in a soft voice (kinda sexy too) and cheering you on (even if it’s small things). It's motivating and encouraging. They’re easy-going and great listeners. It’s like having a cute, sexy angel devoted to your every will (dirty acts included).
Bonus: Lady in the Streets, Freak in the SheetsJapanese women have needs. Some have an unquenchable thirst for the D, but all women crave it. This is the best stage of dating a Japanese woman, BUT it only happens in the beginning stages (and birthdays and Valentine's day).
Dating Japanese Women: The BadIf you’ve ever dated or are currently dating a Japanese woman, you will know what I'm about to say... And I’m not talking about a bad-ass girl, I’m talking about bad…
1. The Waiting GameAs stunning and beautiful Japanese women are, there's a downside to all the makeup and pretty dresses. Expect to wait 2-hours for your girl to get ready (my gf takes 90-mins to get ready). They usually wake up 90 mins earlier to put on makeup and get ready, even if you plan on only going to the shops. I call this the waiting game. She’ll tell you to get ready, and then you have to wait on her. It can suck. The plus side, of course, is you’ll get see your girlfriend sexy af and think about giving it to her later that night.
2. Lack of Culture Outside of Japan & MisunderstandingJapan is rich with history. Japanese samurai, Japanese art, historical castles, Nintendo, you name it. Isn't this another reason why you wanted to go? This is why foreigners say:
“Japan feels like it’s on a different planet.”And it’s true. It really does feel that way. That’s Japanese culture. But, here's the issue, most girls never leave the country. Even smaller numbers have lived abroad. “But, how is this an issue?” you say. They are oblivious to world cultures and customs. Of course, this is changing. Japanese people love to travel (if they can get the time off). The younger generation is quickly embracing foreign cultures, but most never travel outside of Asia. With this lack of perspective, they never truly understand. This leads to a lot of misunderstandings when dating. The language and culture barrier is a wall that would make Donald Trump proud. Guys always underestimate this. So did I at the beginning. It's a tough road ahead. Be prepared to have many fights and arguments over tiny misunderstandings.
3. Mirror IssuesThere are many issues facing Japanese women today. Must always look good, must cooking well, must have a boyfriend, must get married and have kids before 30, etc. You rarely find these in western countries. In western countries, they're more like guidelines. In Japan, they're the unofficial laws of society. That’s why some girls become obsessive over their appearance and are insecure in their identity. They're not "shy", their self-esteem is low. Some girls cut their wrist. Others sleep with loads of guys. Unfortunately, some will jump in front of a moving train. There are many, many cases of sexual harassment (on trains, elevators and buses) but they are never reported on the news. (This has horrific consequences). Just the other day, a friend posted about her "minor" sexual harassment to the police at 2.30am. The police interrogated her for 4-hours, made her strip down in front of a female officer and now they want her to go back. It's no wonder they don't tell the police. Would you want to go through that?
Dating Japanese Women: The UglyThis is the side of Japanese you almost never hear or see. If you haven’t had the chance of dating Japanese women in Japan, you will never know about this. These 2 topics are common among ex-pats, married men and workers living in Japan. Ask them about these topics and they will definitely share their stories and experiences.
1. The Girl Behind the MaskIn the middle of writing this article, my Japanese girlfriend popped her head over my laptop to see what I was working on. I told her about the topic and she responded with interest (and judgment). Seeing an opportunity, I asked her what she thought are some “ugly” traits in Japanese women. “Plastic” “Plastic? What do you mean?” “Ahhh…. Etto… Fake.” (she’s still learning English). She explained that Japanese women will fake interest in a conversation, hide her “honne” feelings, and never display her real thoughts. This was thought-provoking. Japanese women are masters of this. They will feign interest and, in some cases, lead you on. It can get frustrating. You may think she’s really interested in your Naruto collection, but really, she hates them. She doesn’t want to tell her friends that her boyfriend collects Naruto toys like a 10-year old boy (or a 35-year-old otaku). This can become a huge problem in relationships as they don't want to share their true feelings about what you do, how you dress and where you go out.
2. Beware of the DemonIf you’ve ever watched a Japanese Game show or variety show, you’ll notice the way Japanese women react, talk and move. They’re graceful, they speak in a cute voice, and walk and stand like the Queen of England. You’re on TV, you must put your TV face on. But... what are they like when the cameras are off? This is what it feels like when you first start dating a Japanese women; the lights and cameras are on, and they want to impress. The way they talk, it's cute, isn’t it? They will continue their “cute” personality and suddenly change... The show is over. When I ask my friends, they say their girlfriends have changed. They become more demanding, have unreasonable expectations, and to treat them like a princess - all the time. And when you don’t, they get....
Passive aggressive.An example of the passive aggressive Japanese women can be:
- With-hold sex.
- Don’t text you back.
- Don’t call you.
- Stalk you.
- Accidentally destroy your possessions.
- Use guilt to get you to do something.
- They won’t tell you what’s wrong.
How to Avoid “The Bad and the Ugly” When Dating Japanese WomenDuring my stay in Japan, I got frustrated with dating Japanese women. The mind games, the passive aggressiveness, the miscommunication and the misunderstandings. I was over it. But I noticed something different about certain Japanese women. If they have these characteristics...
- Can accept change
- Asks questions to learn more about something
- Sex is great
The 4 Questions to Ask when Dating Japanese WomenAs you start dating Japanese women, ask these following questions to yourself:
- Does this girl travel overseas a lot?
- Has she dated other foreigners before?
- Has this girl lived in another country before?
- Can you have a deep and interesting conversation with her?
"Why are these questions so important?" you ask.Because a woman travels a lot, dated other foreigners and has lived overseas, can understand your culture and the way you think. While other girls find you strange because you wear thongs (sandals) and shorts every where [I'm looking at you, fellow Aussies], a Japanese girl who has travelled, dated and lived in Australia will understand you and your kangaroo ways.
"What about the deep and interesting conversation bull shit?"Well... let's face it. If you can't have an interesting conversation with anyone, neither of you are going to stick around. (if you do, you start hating the other person).
"What if I've met a girl who has traveled and lived abroad, but has never dated a foreigner before?"It's ideal to have all 4 question answered with a "Yes". (She's a keeper, marry her.) The more yes she gets, the easier it is to have a great relationship with her. Simple.
What happens if she answers "No."Here are some of the problems you will face if she answered no to these questions:
- Does this girl travel overseas a lot? "No."
- She won't understand the way you act or behave.
- Has she dated other foreigners before? "No."
- It'll be a tough start but can end up great in the end.
- If she hasn't been overseas before, she probably isn't interested in you.
- Has this girl lived in another country before? "No."
- She won't understand you. You'll have many fights until she learns that how you are and how you were raised.
- Can you have a deep and interesting conversation with her? "No."
- She must be hot. (Show her a good time and make your exit).