You probably realized that more than 50% of any direction you look in Japan, there are sexy, cute, and beautiful women walking up the street, stairs, riding bikes…you get my drift, right. I might say, that there are some fine women who ride bikes in heels and short skirts. While this is true, you’ll be disillusioned with the idea that there are many choices and bad bitches for you, but in reality, dating is more difficult here than you ever imagined due to the culture and our misunderstanding of Japanese girls.
1. You Can Look, but You Can’t Touch
It’s all a tease here in Japan. Dressing slutty does not mean promiscuity or sexual. Well, many cases it does, many cases it doesn’t. We men want to believe that girls dress slutty in order to advertise their goods, to showcase their genetic prowess in child rearing. Not here. Many girls here, of course, want a man’s attention, but it’s definitely more of a fashion statement and probably their friends are just as into the clothes that they are. You probably already know that women in Japan love dressing up. Because these girls dress in mini skirts or wear heels like they’re going to a club, every day, it doesn’t all mean they are willing to talk to you. This concept goes with the fact that Japanese people are very fashionable. In another situation, I talked to this guy who looked gangster and tatted up the yin-yang, but as I got to know him, he seemed overly polite, despite his appearance. This means that Japanese girls are the same way as they follow the American/Western trends, but don’t really play into the stereotype of what we know to be “hip hop”, “punk”, “slut”, etc. It’s a good thing as it makes us stop being judgemental pricks, but it gets harder to tell who is down to funk. It will leave you wondering: Where the fuck do we look?! The popular fashion here nowadays is also slim-fitting, and tend to hug the curves. It’s amazing and vexing at the same time. It doesn’t help that they’re a bit friendlier than other girls and don’t flat out shut you down when you approach them. A few Japanese friends told me that there are many girls who have sex and many girls who don’t. I feel that this is true because there’s just no in between. Having relationships with many guys makes you a slut by default.
2. Polite to A Fault
You ever heard that Japanese people are naturally polite? It’s great to know that people are decent human beings by not wanting to steal wallets or kill other people. However, little did I know that this can fuck with you at the same time. When I first came here, stepping into a gaijin bar seemed like heaven. Good ratio, lots of beautiful women, and cheap ass drinks. With my newly ordained ALT buddies, new to Japan and everything, we were on a hunt. The first 10 minutes to the next lead to us sitting with a trio of cute girls. With our broken Japanese, we were somehow communicating, all laughs, smiles, pictures, and hitting it off (or so we thought). It ended the night with the girls giving us their contacts, and trying to get the last train around 12 pm. Side note: BE CAREFUL of the last train girls who won’t go home with you so that they can make it back to their parent’s house. With my three years of being here, I can’t count how many times this had happened to me. I realized that girls here are friendly, and are open to giving you their number or LINE ID, but that doesn’t mean ANYTHING. Some girls are just overly nice and/or they just don’t know how to say no. Japanese people, naturally, just want to avoid conflict in situations like these. If you think about it. Makes sense: The easiest way for a girl to ditch a guy is to comply with his requests until he’s satisfied. He’ll probably lay off, thinking he’s got it and not be so proactive and pestering, wait for a response which will not be reciprocated nor rejected. This brings me to my next point.
3. Last Minute Cancellations
If you’re lucky, a girl will return your LINE messages from yesterday night and continue talking to you. Sometimes as a form of courtesy, they will talk to you a bit and as you are talking to them, thinking you’re having a good conversation, they’ll slowly stop texting. And…done. Sometimes this doesn’t happen. Sometimes they keep talking to you, and you feel that you are doing well. Then, you ask her out to dinner, she accepts your offer. She will go to dinner with you at 7 pm in Shinsaibashi, to a restaurant you picked, unsurprisingly. Yes, you knew it all along. No one could resist your charm, nor your dick. Everyone wants you. “Fuck yea. I’m gonna get my dick wet tonight”, you think to yourself in excitement. FALSE. On the day of, thirty minutes before, you get a message from her: I can’t make it, she says. I’m not sure what’s worse – Getting rejected coldly, OR a girl luring you in, giving you false hope thinking you could actually bang her sooner or later, accepting an invite to dinner, and then at the very last minute, bail. This is actually a culture here and there is a word for it: Dota-kyan (ドタキャン）meaning last minute cancellation. It’s a very popular way to be rejected, for girls to save themselves from having to do something as hard as rejecting someone face to face.
4. Overly Cautious
Although this is a broad topic, I want to separate this into two categories: 1. Cautious in a sense that they don’t want to be played, and 2. Cautious in a sense in which girls want to protect their image to avoid being slut-shamed by their friends. Firstly, Maybe you already know that people here aren’t the greatest at socializing. Because of the lack of social skills of the opposite sex here in Japan, your friendly behavior or gestures may be a little too overwhelming for Japanese girls. If you’re naturally a friendly person, you might be labeled as “charai” or as a player. “Watch out for this guy” he has a lot of friends who are girls. Word will go around, and you become the worst guy to a particular group of friends. PLUS, clubbing and going out has a “playboy” image. Damn. It’s hard to have fun and live your life, aye. Generally, physical touch like hugs is not common, especially kissing a stranger. It’s a little more difficult. I once made out with with a girl who was dressed in a super short skirt, red lipstick, etc. Once I kissed her, she blushed like a little girl. Every time I kissed her, something in her brain made her back up, and giggle (heheh). Multiple times. It made me realize how this kind of behavior was not so normal to the normal Japanese girl – who has no previous experience with foreigners. Secondly, girls don’t want to be viewed as a slut. For example, you dance with a girl at a club but she’s with her girlfriends. Neither of them are getting any guys. And because of wanting to appease the group, she ends up not dancing with you, either because they pull her away, or she leaves with them. No poon from the party. Oppositely, if all of them are doing well and getting the same amount of attention from guys, maybe you might just lucky. But more often than not, it ends in the least desirable outcome.
5. No Concept of Dating
Suppose you’re successful at getting the LINE, securing a date, and had a wonderful fucking time on your date. You said the right things, you were able to make her laugh, and happy…YOU DID IT BRO! Then you somehow get her a little open to you and get her to your house. You’re about to get it duuuuude. “I won’t do it unless you’re my boyfriend.” FUUUUUUUUCK. You got so far! What the fuck are you waiting for!? There are a few options you can take: 1. Say yes, fuck her and decrease your contact. 2. Say no, and say that you love freedom and 3. Say yes and commit yourself as her boyfriend. Etc. etc. etc. In my three years of being here in Japan, I have realized one important thing. The majority of the girls are expecting a long term relationship as a prerequisite for sex. There is no dating culture. For westerners, dating is an important part of finding a life long partner. This is when you search around for a suitable partner in terms of personality, and physical compatibility. As my PE teacher once told me: “You need to test drive it, before you know you want it”. This isn’t the case for Japan. People get together quickly here, and when it gets sour, they break up. Sometimes they even cheat in order to break up a relationship (we’ll talk about this in another blog). This is both good and bad. Good because you’ll have a Japanese girlfriend willing to do everything for you – almost everything you ever dreamed about…like some freaky shit you’ve dreamed about…but bad because it requires time and commitment. The dating here in Japan is upside down in a sense that it’s just different. This will drive foreigners who first come to Japan to go insane. HOWEVER! You shouldn’t worry bros. There are a lot of shit to be careful of, whether getting a Japanese girlfriend or trying to bed them bitches, but there are ways around this. As long as you know where to look, and state your intentions clear from the beginning, you won’t have a hard time. This will eliminate games, and save you a shit ton of time. It depends on what you want. You should know if you want to just fuck or have something serious. Be resolute and don’t be a little bitch. You’re a man, and you know what you want. You can get what you want if you know where to look. It is definitely possible to find a girl just DTF. And know that you can get a committed relationship if you really wanted one. Here’s my advice: Learn the culture, and educate yourself. We’ll help you along the way bros. Keep posted with our blogs and we sempais will guide you brothas in the right direction.
The Ultimate Japan Adult Guide - Osaka Bros. The latest guides and tips on dating, sex culture, escorts, brothels and other cool shit from your bros in Osaka. We aint articulate writers. We just have a shit load of stories to tell.