PUA SCENE IN JAPAN: THE SCOOP ON PICKING UP JAPANESE GIRLS

Did you know there are Japanese guys day-gaming and picking up girls in Japan? There’s also a PUA Japan scene, but it is not what you expect. In 2012, I was part of the Melbourne PUA scene. I would day game and try to pick up girls at Melbourne Central station with aspiring pick-up artists. We would go to bars and try meet tipsy girls who wanted “someone to talk to”. I sucked at it. I didn’t last long in the scene. However, there were some guys I got along with, and kept in touch since then. I recently caught up with some of them and telling them about my experience of living in Japan. They wanted to know about the PUA Japan scene, they often ask these questions:

• “Is PUA in Japan different to PUA in western countries?”
• “What is it like dating a Japanese girl?”
• “Is it true what they say about Japanese girls going crazy and want to jump the bones of any foreign guy they meet?”
• “Did you have to learn Japanese to pick up?”
• “What mistakes did you make while hitting on Japanese girls?”
• “What’s the day game like in Japan?”
• “Where did you go to meet girls?”

They wanted to know about the PUA Japan game, and wanted to know if they could use their skills in Japan. During my stay in Japan, I have found the articles I read that helped me win over Japanese girls and got them to fuck my brains out. So I will share answers to all of the questions above with comments from guys I learned them from.

“IS PUA IN JAPAN DIFFERENT TO PUA IN WESTERN COUNTRIES?”

The moment you step off the plane and get through customs, you will immediately realize this: “Japan is different.” It’s not the same as China, South Korea, or any other Asian country. Travelling and living in Japan are different as well. When you travel, you are skimming the surface of the Japanese culture; living in Japan, you learn about the deep history and culture of Japan. This is why PUA Japan is different to PUA Australia, PUA USA, PUA Canada, or PUA UK. You will immediately feel the differences, but.. won’t know what or why it’s different. Here is a summary of how Western PUA advice can mess you up in Japan. This comes from Sinapse, Attraction Japan.

PUA JAPAN DIFFERENCE NUMBER 1

Western Game Idea: Time is your friend. The more time you spend with a girl, the higher your chances are. Actual Experience in Japan: Taking your time more often than not will end up with the girl fading herself out or abruptly stopping contact without explanation. Instead, gun for the lay and add value after the fact to keep them around.

PUA JAPAN DIFFERENCE NUMBER 2

Western Game Idea: Going for a hard stop on the street. Actual Experience in Japan: Hot, high-quality girls will rarely if ever, stop for you if you get in their way or upon the open. Instead, walk with them.

PUA JAPAN DIFFERENCE NUMBER 3

Western Game Idea: Waiting until the club closes to pull the girl home. Hang around befriending everyone until you’re the one who is “going out the door” with the girl. Actual Experience in Japan: If you hold your dick for several hours in a Japanese club with a girl, chances are the interaction will stall out and when it comes time to leave the club, she’ll dart off into a train with her friends. Instead, pull hard before the club closes.

PUA JAPAN DIFFERENCE NUMBER 4

Western Game Idea: ”Banter” and “Neg” game. Actual Experience in Japan: Don’t worry about back-and-forth banter or cutting witticisms which are often misconstrued as simply mean remarks. Enjoy each other’s company, share your world and learn about hers, and pull at the end.

PUA JAPAN DIFFERENCE NUMBER 5

Western Game Idea: “Kino” escalate from the beginning. Actual Experience in Japan: Touching the girl quickly and often will usually put her on the defensive. Personal space bubbles are smaller in Japan, but more rigid. There is no hugging culture, and body contact is minimal, even among friends and family. Save your overt kino escalation for when you are isolated with the girl.

PUA JAPAN DIFFERENCE NUMBER 6

Western Game Idea: Sexualize the interaction. Actual Experience in Japan: While Japanese women are no strangers to sexuality, most people speak far less about sex to strangers in Japan. Insinuating sexuality over text, going for wink-wink-nudge-nudge type jokes, or eliciting sexual experiences often backfires in Japan, and you don’t need it at all. Focus on your own masculine polarity instead – voice tone, body language, leadership. Everything else will follow.

“WHAT IS IT LIKE DATING A JAPANESE GIRL?”

It’s different. How is it different? Well here’s a pro/con list of dating Japanese girls from Jade Seashell of idateadvice.com. I’ve simply collected the list of Jade’s points, but Jade goes into more detail. You can find it here. Pros

• Japanese girls are the cutest in the whole world.
• Japanese brides are the most caring and nurturing wives.
• Japanese ladies are very accommodating.
• Japanese ladies choose you not because you are from a wealthy Western country.
• Japanese women are very open-minded.

Cons

• Japanese women probably have low libidos.
• If you live in Japan, you will meet Japanese girls in Western pubs, but those girls are slightly crazy.
• Some Japanese women are passive aggressive.

WANT THE FEMALE POV OF JAPANESE GIRLS DATING FOREIGNERS?

One of our team members at Osaka Bros, Timmy went out and interviewed 30 Japanese girls to get their opinion when it comes to dating foreigners. “I went out and got comments from 30 Japanese girls who have experience dating foreign men. Out of these Japanese girls, 11 are currently dating a foreigner and the other 19 have dated a foreigner in the past. Surprisingly, they all had a lot to say about Japanese girls dating foreigners.” Interested in reading the whole blog post? Here it is!

“IS IT TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT JAPANESE GIRLS GOING CRAZY AND WANT TO JUMP THE BONES OF ANY FOREIGN GUY THEY MEET?”

No. Well… not really. I have found that many Japanese girls FANTASIZE about dating foreign guys, but most of them will never actively go out and hunt foreign guys. If a group of Japanese girls do want to meet foreign guys, they will always go to an international party or an English bar. (A great place is the HUB, English pub) Many guys who land in Japan, thinking they will be hot with Japanese girls, are shocked to learn that they are not. (Unless you are a celebrity, like Justin Bieber.) I thought the same thing when I arrived. To illustrate my point, I found a great article from Tokyo Night Owl on the 7 reasons why Japanese girls don’t like Foreign Guys. I’ll summarize the main points from the article (If you want to read the full article, which I recommend, here is the link.

LANGUAGE BARRIER

• If a foreigner guy’s language doesn’t progress with the relationship, he’ll have to rely on her progressively for understanding all sorts of issues: visas, taxes, healthcare, education, your haircut, ordering your food, her holding his hand to cross the street…
• When you get into more intense subjects, the translation apps go out the window and your charades become the new lingua franca.

PUBLIC STIGMA

• Japan is a largely homogenous culture. Less than 2% are foreigners. Very few couples are interracial, and of those that progress to marriage, the overwhelming majority are actually between a Japanese man and foreign women. Of Japanese women who get married, 1.3% marry a foreigner (source).
• Combine this with the other details on this list, and the recipe for public judgment causes many Japanese girls to steer clear.

PARENTAL DISAPPROVAL

• Hand in hand with the public stigma are the judgment of what may be a Japanese girl’s most influential figures: her Mom and Dad.
• This isn’t to suggest that parental disapproval is the norm (although there are some horror stories), nor is it to say racism is rampant, but sometimes there are some old-fashioned attitudes in regards to relationships.
• Add a lack of a common tongue into the mix, and foreigner’s chance of wooing a girl’s affection can get a bit complicated.
• As Japanese girls tend to live with their families well into their 20s, ensuring she doesn’t “offend” her parents may rate higher on her priority list than the cute gaijin sending her LINE stickers.
• Short term, yes, you can bask in the beautiful neon rays of love hotels, but long term, the best you can do is to minimize the other red flags in this article.

LOWER INCOME JOBS

• While not all Japanese girls will make a final judgment on dating a foreigner based on their income level, some certainly will.
• Image is high in Japan; look around and you will hardly see a girl not dressed to the nines.
• English Teaching, one of the most popular jobs for foreigners coming to Japan, nets a salary of 250,000 yen per month (or 25,314 USD salary per year pre-tax income). Definitely not enough for a family long-term, and possibly not enough for a solid date.
• Dependent on a girls age (younger girls care less), this could be a significant deterrent when it’s layered on top of other reasons in this list.

THEY ARE “CHARAI”

• Foreigners get a bad rap of being labeled as “playboys”.
• It’s this label that also fuels the stereotype of foreign men having some mystical “game” when it comes to Japanese women.
• Charai, or the Japanese phrasing of such, is basically being called a “player”.
• While you can gently toss it aside (or defend yourself valiantly), chances are you already in the hole.

TRANSITORY FOREIGNERS

• While this can benefit a foreigner, depending on the girl’s preference for relationship duration, it can be a real detriment if the girl is looking for the possibility of a long-term relationship.
• The basic reality is that most foreigners only temporarily live in Japan, whether it’s for a week or a few years, there’s almost always an exit date.
• And even if the plan is long term, circumstances (lost job, visa expiring, deportation) make it impossible to afford a girl the same level of “security” that a Japanese citizen can.
• Japanese girls know this – even if they’ve never dated a foreigner before.

KY (NOT THE JELLY)

• KY stands for “kuki yomenai,” It means you are socially uncalibrated and that you can’t read the air.
• Examples: Talking on your phone on a quiet train, Going for a full-on make-out in public place, Pointing to your condom stash when she mentions the “last train.”
• It can be simplified as bad manners, cultural ignorance, and poor social skills.
• While you may be bound to accidentally coming across KY as a newcomer or tourist to Japan, you’ll still need to pick up on subtle and environmental cues to make sure you aren’t “that guy”.

“DID YOU HAVE TO LEARN JAPANESE TO PICK UP?”

Here’s my answer: Not really. I don’t speak fluent Japanese. BUT, knowing how to pronounce English words with a Japanese accent helped girls understand me (AKA ‘Engrish’). The follow-up question is usually: “Isn’t that racist?” Why? Most Japanese girls have VERY limited English skills. This helps keep the conversation flowing and fun. It has helped me, and it will help you too.

WHAT MISTAKES DID YOU MAKE WHILE HITTING ON JAPANESE GIRLS?

Upon my research for this blog post, I found this article from Attraction Japan on the Top 10 Mistakes When Doing Street Pickup in Japan. I didn’t do any street pickup (I mainly go to bars, clubs, or meet girls through friends), but this hits it right on the mark with picking up girls in Japan. Anywhere in Japan. Here is a quick summary of article (You can read the full article here)

1. TOUCHING HER TOO SOON

• One of the biggest differences between Japan and the West is the amount of acceptable physical contact.
• Japanese people tend to be a lot less touchy than their foreign counterparts – even with people they know well.
• You would do well to adjust for this and limit the amount you touch girls on the street – especially in the first few minutes of the interaction.

2. BEING TOO AGGRESSIVE OR SEXUAL

• Guys desperately want to avoid getting stuck in the dreaded “friend zone”, but they overcompensate and come across as too aggressive.
• On the street, for most girls, this is usually just plain scary and she doesn’t know if you’re going to attack her or follow her home so she’ll probably duck into a shop or straight up run away from you.
• Slow your approach, make it calm and relaxed, yet very present. Your goal is not to appear as a sexual man — yet.

3. BEING TOO WEAK / TIMID

• On the flip side of point #2, many guys are quite unsure of themselves and they come across as scared little puppies in the interaction.
• If you aren’t sure of yourself, she won’t stop or listen to you.
• Subconsciously, you’re communicating that what you have to say is not worthwhile, and she picks up on that and feeds it right back to you.
• In short, she isn’t even rejecting you – YOU are rejecting you!
• Make sure to commit to the approach – don’t make any weak or halfway approaches.
• Nobody wants to talk to somebody who isn’t even sure THEY want to talk.

4. GIVING UP TOO SOON

• No doubt there is a point at which you should just stop.
• If she pulls a behind-the-back move or starts actually speeding up to get away, you probably aren’t getting anywhere with her.
• But – if she’s quietly listening or even responding just a little – don’t give up!
• Many girls are waiting for more information, and might be open to talk to you but are just a bit shy.
• Work on your monologue and keep that million dollar mouthpiece running steady and eventually you might say something she’ll perk up at and open right up.

5. READING TOO MUCH INTO HER RESPONSES

• Often times, the girls who you think are SUPER into you will just not respond over LINE, and the girls who dodge your request to exchange contact information are the ones who ask you a bunch of questions and are MOST eager to meet up.
• In short, aside from what we mentioned in point #4 about running away or behind-the-back, if the girl is still there with you, go for the contact close or push things a little farther to see what happens.
• Often their responses have not much bearing on their actual interest and someone who is quiet or defensive is actually more interested than the girl who is happily responding and gives out her LINE.

6. MOVING TOO SLOW

• Some guys get rooted to the ground and move as though they have molasses stuck to their feet.
• It’s just another form of AA and approach resistance, but it’s still deadly.
• The longer you wait, the farther away the girl gets and the more chance you have to get stuck in your head.
• Additionally, call me hokey but I truly do think that girls can sense when you’re about to approach and the longer you wait, the less likely they are to open.
• If it’s a busy street you may need to slip between pedestrians and even jog or run to catch up with her quickly – but it will be worth it.
• Clear your mind and focus on getting into the interaction as fast as possible – and calibrate it after.

7. NOT SCREENING HER PLANS

• I've seen it happen all too often – a guy is having a great walking interaction with a girl.. and then her boyfriend/boss/brother/etc shows up.
• Boom she waves goodbye and runs off with her company.
• You always want to check how much time she has.
• You can ask her “What are you up to” or other similar questions to determine this, but it’s important to know if you have 1 minute or 10.
• If you have more you can be a little more leisurely with seeding future plans, checking for interest, etc.
• If you only have one minute you should make it short and sweet, confess you don’t have much time and you should meet up on another day to hang out.

8. NOT HAVING AN AGENDA

• You should always have your own agenda.
• This will guide you away from being the “do-nothing guy” standing near the station or on the busy street.
• Even if its something as simple as “I just finished eating and now I’m heading to XX,” it will put your purpose and normal life in the forefront.
• You are just another person walking around the city just like her.

9. TRYING FOR A HARD STOP

• Some foreign-inspired gamers try to go for a hard stop on moving targets in Japan.
• This isn’t likely to work and usually just ends up with the guy standing and holding his balls and the girl walking on.
• Japanese girls are unlikely to stop for a random guy on the street – even if you actually only want something as innocent as directions.
• Much better to match her pace and walk alongside.

10. SETTLING FOR LESS

• With new or intermediate guys they often settle for having a nice interaction and just want the interaction to continue – even more than they want to bang the girl!
• Others will get into habits of only going for the LINE and never try to pull right then and there.
• Always shoot for the stars. It helps if you know her logistics (#7) and then move forward from there.
• Always also know your own logistics (where is the nearest karaoke/love hotel/manga cafe etc).

“WHAT’S THE DAY GAME LIKE IN JAPAN?”

There is a Japanese word for guys who try to pick up girls on street in broad daylight: Nanpa (ナンパ) You will find Japanese Nanpa where all the young, cute Japanese girls are. In Tokyo - Shibuya, Shinjuku, Ikebukuro, Nakasu. In Osaka - Namba, Shinsaibashi, Umeda. There are other cities you can visit as well. I came across a great post by TravelHardCore of swooptheworld.com. They did an interview with Mark, a foreigner living in Japan. Just check out this answer from “Mark” about where he thinks the most beautiful girls in Japan are. THC: What are good spots in Tokyo [or other cities] to pick up Japanese girls? Mark: Tokyo and Osaka are good places to pick up Japanese girls because there are more people so obviously more options. I’ve been to places like Sapporo(Hokkaido) and Fukuoka(Kyushu), the quality is high and easiness level for picking up girls are high as well. Most beautiful girls are in Fukuoka in my opinion. You can read the full interview here.

“WHERE DID YOU GO TO MEET GIRLS?”

Here are my favorite places for picking up girls in Japan:

• International parties
• Clubs
• Japanese bars & English bars
• Online
• Aiseki-ya (Read about this one!)

I’ll give you a brief outline on each one, but I want you to take a look at the last one (especially if you can speak Japanese)

INTERNATIONAL PARTIES

International parties are mainly targeted to Japanese girls and foreign guys who want to meet and practice their English/Japanese. It’s a great place to build confidence and momentum to start conversations with Japanese girls. The ratio for these places are usually 2 girls to 1 guy. Just remember, Japanese girls WILL NOT approach you. You have to approach them. To find International parties:

• Google them: International parties osaka
• Use Meetup
• Join facebook groups (I recommend 'Why Not?! Japan' if you are staying in Osaka)

Just remember to review them and see which ones have potential.

CLUBS

Clubs in Japan are fucken fun. Each club has a different level of difficulty when it comes to picking up Japanese girls. If you want to learn more I actually wrote a blog post about it. Check it out here. You can also check out my other post about the Top 5 Clubs in Osaka for Foreigners here.

JAPANESE BARS & ENGLISH BARS

Bars are easy places to meet Japanese girls for foreign guys. Depending on the bar, you will generally know what type of girls you will meet. Japanese bars are usually filled with Japanese gents and ladies. This is good and bad. Good - they are not expecting you there, so you will be on everyone’s radar. If you speak Japanese fluently, you win extra points with them. Bad - You may have a bad time based on the setting of the bar. Loud music, drunk people who suddenly have the courage to talk to you, poor seating layout, etc. They vary from bar to bar. This is why I would recommend English bars or pubs. Why? The Japanese girls you meet here, WANT to speak English and meet foreign guys. Play to your strengths. A great English bar/pub is the Hub. They have one in every major city in Japan, and it’s a great place to catch a basketball, soccer, or rugby game.

ONLINE

There are many places to meet Japanese girls online. A simple google search will put you the hands of Japancupid, a dating site for foreign guys who want to meet Japanese girls. (Not exactly sure what percent of the girls are actually Japanese though...) If your Japanese is at a JLPT N2 or higher, you should head over to Omiai - a popular Japanese dating site. But what about Tinder? Tinder - it’s a hit or miss. Some girls want a date, some girls want to bang (1%), and some girls just want to meet foreign guys and practice their English. Try it. You might get lucky. ;) Beware of Online dating sites in Japan One of the team at Osaka Bros wrote a blog post about how he wasted $400 on a Japanese online dating site. Check it out here.

AISEKI-YA

Holy Shit. If you speak Japanese, this place is a gold mine. I heard about these places from a Japanese friend. Now, let me tell you about this friend, he is not the pick up type -- but he went to Aiseki-yas every week and got dates. So what is it? Let’s call it a “speed-dating” restaurant. You go with a buddy. Guys pay 3000 yen~ (girls get in for free) You get an all-you-can-eat buffet and, sometimes, free drinks. Then you scope around and see which girls you want to talk to. Pick a pair, call the waiter over, and tell him you want to talk with them. For good or bad, the girls get to choose if they want to talk to you. That’s the quick run-down. Here’s what awesome: Timmy has been to a few and has written up a great piece on them. I highly recommend you read it here!

LAST CALL

So, there you go. The answer is yes, you can pick up girls in Japan. We’ve covered all the questions most PUAs or guys looking to pick up Japanese girls ask. Were there any questions you thought of, but we didn’t cover? Let us know in the comments and we’ll answer them for you!