5 REASONS NOT TO USE DATING APPS IN JAPAN
Want to look for an alternative to the traditional way to find and meet new potential partners? Why not try dating apps in Japan? With all this time being spent on the internet and on your phone, why wouldn’t it be possible to find a fuck buddy, girlfriend, or a serious relationship with technology? We live in an internet age, so we should use it for our advantage. Or so I thought. All of these ideas were going through my head the past 20 times I downloaded, deleted, and redownloaded dating apps thinking that I could somehow get some easily, considering that I’m foreigner living in Japan. I was naive. And so was Timmy, when he wasted $400 on a Japanese online dating site. Here are 5 reasons why I believe that dating apps are shit here in Japan!
JAPANESE GIRLS ON DATING APPS HAVE A NATURAL WALL
Before you start getting into it, online dating and dating apps are quite a new concept to Japan. The women whom I talked with about dating apps see it as scary, crawling with sexual predators, and creeps. It doesn’t help that Japanese girls are normally shy about putting up their pictures for people to see. The girls who are on these applications range from girls who are very conservative to gaijin-fuckzilla 2.0. Plus, on one side of the spectrum, there are many girls who are searching for something real and possibly long lasting, while there are girls who just want to get smashed. I feel like there’s no in between. Either way, these girls are constantly bombarded with advances of sex, dick pics, “You wanna meet?”, etc. Whether if they are sexy or not. This triggers the natural “Get the fuck away from me” barrier. Making it more difficult in communicating on dating apps.
STARTING WITH A DISADVANTAGE AS A FOREIGNER
I think you can agree with me on this. Most guys using dating apps (especially foreigners in Japan) are just searching for more ways to “Get some”. Using anyway possible to maximize their game is the priority. I feel like it is just in our nature to want to bang as many girls as possible. I’m guilty of this feeling and I thought I was a nice guy. In a girl's perspective, it’s kind of hard to trust foreign guys they meet online. There is that mentality that foreigner guys are all playboys. I’m sure if I were a girl, I’d also play hard to get to try to weed out or filter out crazies and weirdos. But this is kind of a hard thing to do through an application with no real concept of the person they are talking to. Just an image made in the mind through profile pictures, selfies, etc. It’s just not enough to fully evaluate a person. Also, I feel that these Japanese girls who are generally brave enough to post their pictures online for everyone to see have super fucking crazy inflated egos about their physical appearance.
JAPANESE GIRLS ON DATING APPS ARE JUST SEEKING VALIDATION
In addition to high walls, I feel that girls just want to receive that attention she lacks. It’s the same concept as people who want to build a community of worshipers on Instagram or Twitter. People want to feel important while receiving compliments and cheap flattery. However, will an Instagram superstar meet or go to bed with all of their fans? This can happen to anyone who gets attention. Because this person feels so important, their filter becomes even narrower with the idea that they have many options. With choice, they feel like they have power. With power, they can often go to the “dark side” and take advantage of this. Foreigner guys are aware of this, especially when they come to Japan. Not popular in their own country, but become cool and different in Japan.
GETTING THROUGH THE FILTERS
In addition, here’s how I see it: Unless you’re slightly better than average looking, it will be even difficult to get through the first filter of the swipe right category. If you have a match, great! But you have to try to have good communication skills and try to sound like a normal human being. If communication isn't a problem, you’re up against the person’s perspective and interpretation of you. Let's imagine you say something you feel is normal, but to them, it may seem fucking weird, their walls go up. When their walls go up after that, it becomes even hard to persuade to meet. And as I said earlier, sometimes the girls just want you to compliment them to feel important. In my experience, it takes a long fucking time to get a girl to trust you and even meet. That is why it is such a waste of time and effort to impress someone through dating apps. However, if you pass all of the tests, good for you! However, here is one warning that I must give you...
THE DATING APP WORLD IN JAPAN IS SMALL AS FUCK
Have you ever heard of 'Use, Reuse, Recycle'? The term used to promote eco-friendly societies have never been so true within these apps. In the dating app world, the world is small; even smaller than the one we live in. Countless times, I’ve heard stories of the people meeting, dating, and banging the same girl, especially within the foreigner community in Japan. There were so many times when I also met a girl who I met on Tinder or Skout in person and unexpectedly at a foreigner gaijin bar. It was quite awkward because they probably recognized me.
END UP GETTING DIRTY SECONDS, OR THIRDS...
Keep in mind that these girls who use dating applications often try to speak English. If they don’t speak English, they are most likely not on it to meet foreigners. If you think about it, the girls who are able to speak have access to both worlds: Japan and foreign. With this they have a choice, and as I told you earlier when someone has a choice, they can do and get what they want easily. It’s not that all girls are manipulative. Some girls genuinely want to find a good guy. But if their selection of men comes from the same group (foreigners) there is bound to be some crossover. Girls and guys can easily go around. STIs/STDs included.
It also doesn’t help that dating apps are crawling with girls who would go out with you, date you, and sleep with you. For a price. If you want to stay away from experiencing the burn from a thousand suns on your penis, I suggest meeting someone through a different way. However, consider yourself lucky if you find a traveler wanting to have a fun night with a local. Anyways, if you have used dating apps in Japan, you can see that the dating app community is connected with the gaijin community. This can be a problem if you’re not exactly gaijin-looking.
JAPANESE GIRLS ON DATING APPS TEND TO PREFER FOREIGN-LOOKING MEN
When I first came to Japan, I was under the impression that if you’re a foreigner and can speak English, you can get Japanese girls easily. I’m also American and from a very popular state among Japanese people. To protect my identity, I’ll give you a few to choose from: New York, Hawaii, California, or Florida. Anyways, I realized that where you are from is not as important as physical appearance because that’s the first test you go through on dating apps. If you look anything other than having roots from Europe, Africa, Brazil, etc. you’ll do well. If you’re some kind of Asian, you’re screwed. Coming from a country of diversity, I didn’t feel this as much until I came to Japan. Out of my group that I came with, me and this Asian-American guy were the only Asians in our group. Within the first three months, all of my gaijin-looking friends successfully got dates using dating apps, many of those relationships turned into actual boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. All had failed by the way, but they still got some nevertheless.
A HARD ROAD FOR ASIAN-DECENT FOREIGNERS
Fast forward a year later, me and that Asian friend still had no success with dating apps. At a moment in time, I honestly felt that there was something wrong with me but eventually, I just had to ask people: Why do Japanese girls like white guys? One of my good female friends gave me a good point. “We like people different than ourselves” she said. I just had to accept that girls here are just into people who LOOK different and who ARE different. For me, as an Asian-American, I was an outsider, but not really considered as either Japanese or foreigner. One thing I do know is that we don’t do as well in dating applications. HOWEVER, there are good points to this which I’ll explain later in another article. I’ll save that for later. Going back to using dating apps, my ALT buddies and I had to use the applications because we were all placed away from the city, south of Osaka. Our daily lives as ALTs were surrounded by children. I’m sure all of us were lonely at the time, isolated from everything.
PEOPLE WHO USE DATING APPS ARE LONELY
As I told you earlier, the 3 years I’ve been in Japan, I’ve downloaded, redownloaded, and deleted dating apps for ages. To be completely honest, the reason why I ended up in this endless cycle was because I wasn’t succeeding in the traditional way of meeting people in person. Dating apps are swarming with lonely guys and girls seeking for some kind of validation. The girls who I’ve actually met on these apps had all kinds of personal problems regarding a bunch of things...family, self-image, insecurity, etc.
In my years of using dating apps, although I had a few dates here and one-nights there, I can say that I’ve never had any success. Using them also gave me a huge epiphany: In one’s loneliest times, we search for something to complete us. We want to feel connected to someone. Anyone. “If I can get a cute girl and bang her, I’ll be okay. I just need to get my dick wet.” I thought to myself. But this set me up for that endless cycle of trying and trying until one day I just had enough.
MASKING LONELINESS WITH ONLINE DATING
I wasted a lot of time and money trying to get girls who lacked substance and depth. They weren’t even all that cute too. Even when I was successful in getting dates, our conversations were boring and that made me soft real quick. The same kind of people have a way of grouping together, I thought. Lonely people trying to find other lonely people will just set up a relationship for failure. Of course, I don’t dismiss the possibility of having long-lasting healthy relationships, I believe that it is a good way to meet people for fun and one-nights, if you have all of the factors going for you. Depends on what kind of person you are. As for myself, there is one thing that I’m thankful for dating apps. It helped me realize I’m looking for something more than sex when it comes to relationships and if I’m looking for sex, I shouldn’t look on dating apps because there are many places in Japan where you can go to get this. With drop dead beautiful girls. Etc. Etc. It made me learn a shit ton about myself.
LAST THOUGHTS
With the internet becoming more and more connected with our daily lives, I supposed that internet dating sites will inevitably become important for people in the future. However, in my opinion, dating apps are still new and just not developed enough to bring about meaningful relationships as people want it to be. Maybe it should just be categorized in the entertainment category. Not dating. With the people using dating apps having high walls, personal problems, recycled, and lonely, dating apps just promote a super superficial approach of meeting someone. Swipe left, swipe right. Whether if you’re a male or a female, this happens on both sides. In the end, it’s all just a waste of time. I suggest that if you’re a single guy, and if you have a decent job and have time on the weekends go out into the real world. There are other amazing things in Japan like an Aiseki Izakaya, Omiai, Goukon, etc.
You can spend your time improving your approach and pick up game and communication skills that you can also use for the future in these services or even at bars, clubs, izakayas, etc. Or you can just use your money to buy quick satisfaction that you will never regret with hot women. Through dating apps, I’ve grown to believe that it’s just better to appeal your attractiveness with your personality rather than your appearance. So get that shit bros!
