WHAT NEWBIES NEED TO KNOW ABOUT VALENTINE’S DAY IN JAPAN
February 14th. We all know what day this is. It’s Valentine’s Day! A day celebrated around the world for couples to express or confess their red-hot love for each other. Depending on the culture, this could be in the form of flowers, cards, a fancy dinner, sweets and what not. Where I’m from it is pretty standard. The guy gives his beautiful partner a bouquet of roses and even some chocolates. And if he’s feeling particularly nice (or in the dog box recently) maybe organize a romantic dinner. So how about Valentine’s Day in Japan? Being the weird and crazy place that Japan is, you can definitely bet that there are some big differences in the Valentine’s Day culture. And for an oblivious foreign Bro, can mean experiencing some interesting culture shock. So, to help you decipher a Japanese Valentine’s Day in the future, here are some important notes for you to remember!
VALENTINE’S DAY IN JAPAN IS ONLY FOR THE GIRLS
Contrary to the majority of the world, Valentine’s Day in Japan is ONLY for the girls to do the giving. In other words, Bros don’t have to do jack shit! (Until White Day which will be explained in a future post). There are a variety of different theories about as to why it turned out like this in Japan. But the main root reason is said to be due to some marketing stunts made by sweets companies when Valentine’s Day was first introduced into Japan in the 1950s. Back in Japanese history, marriage/dating was traditionally all arranged between families. Young men and women had very little say in who was going to be their future partner. Therefore, confessing their feelings to someone was very rare, and for females was something completely taboo. It was considered vulgar, slutty and in a way trashy for a woman to portray her passionate feelings to a guy. Fast forward to the modern day, in the time that Japan began introducing traditions and customs from the west. The strict customs on arranged marriage were eased up and men and women were able to have more freedom in the relationships they had. However, the taboo idea of a Japanese girl ‘confessing her feelings’ to another never really lifted.
THE INTRODUCTION OF VALENTINE’S DAY INTO JAPAN
Then came the introduction of the Valentine’s Day tradition to Japan. A Japanese sweets company created a revolutionary marketing stunt that threw this taboo out the window. This company promoted Valentine’s Day as the sole day in which Japanese could confess their love to a man with chocolate. The company encouraged Japanese girls by saying “Express your sweet and deep (true) feelings to your special guy with this box of sweet and deep (flavorful) box of chocolates” A catchy tagline, and a promotion that shouted out ‘Everyone’s going to be doing it! So you don’t have to be scared’. For Japanese females who had locked up their feelings for many years, it was a big hit. And soon after girls giving chocolate on Valentine's Day became a fixed tradition in Japan.
THE EVOLUTION OF VALENTINE’S DAY IN JAPAN
So, traditionally Valentine's Day is just for the girls to give. What's it like now in 2018? The original concept of Japanese girls giving their ‘True Loves’ (corny sorry) chocolate as a sign of their love hasn't changed. However, with changes in time, trends, the perception of relationships and a shitload more sweets company's marketing endeavors, Valentine's Day has somewhat evolved in Japan. Firstly, the tradition of giving just ‘chocolate’ has long gone out the window. With the range of Valentine's Day gifts broadening to biscuits, lollies, macaroons etc. Pretty much anything sweet that can give you a cavity and all wrapped in Valentine's Day colors is now the norm. However the biggest change and most likely one of the biggest cultural differences to the west is that giving a Valentine's Day gift is now not limited to that one special person. In addition to a husband, partner, boyfriend (or crush), Japanese girls now give Valentine's Day presents to their male coworkers, friends, family members. Valentine’s Day chocolates/gifts are now divided into different types depending on the person. And these types have specific names in Japan. Check them out below.
HONMEI CHOCOLATE (本命チョコ)
Honmei is translated as ‘favorite’ and in the case of Valentine's Day, can also mean ‘special’ or ‘true’. Therefore this type of chocolate is what Japanese girls would give to their guy they are in a relationship with, a partner or boyfriend. Or that special guy they have feelings for and romantically interested in. This type of chocolate/present is usually more expensive and aesthetically gorgeous. In some cases, they may even be completely homemade.
GIRI CHOCOLATE (義理チョコ)
Giri is translated as ‘Obligation’. So these Giri Chocolates are ‘Obligatory Chocolates’ that Japanese girls have to give to males around them that helped and supported them in some way. This includes all the male colleagues they work closely with, male family members and acquaintances. This type of chocolate/present is usually a simple gift to show their appreciation. Nothing fancy and usually Japanese girls buy and give the same brand/type of present to all their Giri-Chocolate targets.
TOMO CHOCOLATE (友チョコ)
Tomo comes from the word ‘Tomodachi’ (友達) meaning ‘Friend’ in Japanese. Now Japanese girls share Valentine's Day chocolates/present between their circle of friends, male or female.
CHOCOLATE PARADISE FOR GUYS IN JAPAN
So, in reality, Valentine's Day in Japan isn't just a day for couples anymore. But more of a day for Japanese girls to say 'Thank You' to the male figures around them. Therefore, assuming that you are not an unsocial hermit, you work and have friends in Japan, there is a high chance that on Valentine's Day you will go home with a handful of gifts. Great if you have a sweet tooth! However, there is one thing you have to remember. Japanese girls are very ambiguous and extremely talented in leading people on. There may be a time where an uninformed foreign Bro misinterprets the type of Valentine's chocolate he receives. Is it a Honmei? Giri? or Tomo? For example, I have personally seen the following situations occur.
- A Bro gets a bag full of Valentine’s Day gift from all his female co-workers. He ended up thinking he was hot shit and popular with the ladies. Later, he started over-hitting on some of these female coworkers.
- Another Bro received a Valentine's Day gift from a hot 'female friend' that he thought he was stuck in the friend-zone with. He misinterpreted this as 'I like you' and ended up pulling moves that didn't go well with this friend. Ending up with a rather awkward relationship.
These examples may seem very extreme, but they happen. Not just with foreign Bros, but even Japanese guys fall for it too. So in other words, unless you already have a partner, Valentine's Day in Japan shouldn't be taken seriously. Even if you do happen to receive a 'Honmei' chocolate from a girl you think might be interested in you. Keep your cool wait for another more personal and defining moment!
A FINAL VALENTINE'S DAY BRO TIP
My final tip for the Bros out there has nothing to do with 'Receiving' gifts from girls on Valentine's Day in Japan. It is more of a tip on using Valentine's Day as an approach tactic for dating. Let's say there is a girl you have a crush on, or a girl that you have just started dating. If you want to wow this girl to open her heart up to you more, be the romantic foreigner and do the complete opposite of a normal Valentine's Day. Surprise her with flowers, chocolates, or a fancy dinner, anything really. It's nothing special as Valentine's Day in the west is usually like this. However, for the unsuspecting Japanese girl who has spent 20 or 30 years GIVING on Valentine's Day like a routine, this positive culture shock would instantaneously get you in her good books! Turn her into jelly, then add whatever moves you want! Personally, this has worked like a charm on multiple occasions and is my ultimate piece of advice for Valentine's Day in Japan! Note 1: This works extremely well on Japanese girls who haven't dated a foreigner before, or spent a lot of time overseas. It may not work as well on girls who are 'used' to foreigners. Note 2: If you do this once, there may be an expectation to do it the next Valentine's Day, and the next etc. You have been warned.
IN CONCLUSION
There you have it Bros! A quick introduction to Valentine's Day in Japan and what you have to know if you are new to the scene! As I briefly stated in the beginning of this post, for theoretically not having to do anything on Valentine's Day, there is a day that you have to give back. White Day. More on this coming in a future post!
